I’ve written it frequently.  Kids who come from families with high expectations, a respect for learning, and supportive role models do better in school and life than kids who don’t.  There’s a ton of research about high expectations (you can look it up), but it’s also good common sense.  Expect and insist that your kids do well in school, get their homework done regularly, study hard, use their time wisely, and establish good habits, and they more than likely will.  The earlier you start, the more likely your –and their – success.

Ask just about any successful student and he’ll tell you that his parents are behind him with a firm but encouraging hand.  This characteristic is universal, transcending geography, affluence, race, and age.  Parents count.  It’s that simple.

From their earliest years, talking about college, a trade, a vocation, a real and tangible future, helps make it visible, real, and attainable.  Why let kids flounder for themselves when we can guide them, let them discover their talents, and help them avoid wasted years?

Here are some thoughts to keep in mind.

1. Be clear.  The clearer your expectations, the better.  When we expect our kids to behave in a certain way, to establish healthy values and habits, and to live up to their God-given potential, we give them the power to reach these goals.  Clearly stated and often repeated expectations leave no room for confusion.  Listen to their ideas, give them room to discover their talents, then set goals together and come up with appropriate rewards and consequences.


2. High expectations are for students and schools.  Parents with high expectations not only keep their kids on their toes, but the schools, too.  When we insist on talented teachers, up-to-date text books and materials, lots of learning experiences, and challenging curricula, we’re preparing our kids for the future.  Expect excellence and be on hand to insist on it.


3. Don’t forget kids with special needs and talents.  It’s often the case that our kids with special needs or gifts are left behind.  A need unmet or a gift unrealized can have years of consequences on learning, confidence, and success.  If your child needs special tutoring, make it happen.  If she has a gift (music, writing, art, sports, whatever), encourage and nurture it.  Accept it with thankfulness.


4. Seek help from others.  Study what successful schools are doing.  Ask other parents what their “secrets” are.  Get the insights of experienced teachers and guidance counselors.  What did your own parents do?


5. Low expectations have far-reaching consequences.  Low expectations lead to unpreparedness in work, life, and higher education.  Why do you think there are so many people in remedial classes in college?  In low-paying, unchallenging jobs?  With the feeling that there’s got to be “more” to what they’re doing with their lives?  Don’t do this to your kids.

What high expectations were you encouraged to reach?  Who helped you to reach your goals?  Share your experiences with Dr. Rick Blog readers by clicking on Comments below.

Our latest guest blogger is a respected old friend, Emily Levitt.  Emily's an educator with lots of experience teaching writing.  She's taught middle schoolers, worked for education companies like McGraw Hill, Scranton, Plato Learning, Sylvan Learning, and Handwriting Without Tears, where she's now a Senior Curriculum Designer.

Emily is a member of the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE), the International Dyslexia Association (IDA), and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD).  She received a B.A. in Secondary English Education from the University of Maryland, College Park, and an M.S. in Professional Writing from Towson University.

Handwriting Standards

If a successful student moves to a new state, will she still be considered an achiever under the new school’s expectations?  The Common Core State Standards initiative is designed to level the playing field for all students, no matter where they live.

This groundbreaking initiative is notable for two reasons: it represents unprecedented cooperation among the members of the National Governors Association, and it has the potential to change what—and even how—all American children learn in the future.  So far, 51 states and U.S. territories have pledged their support to this movement.

This is also the perfect opportunity to standardize subject areas that have sometimes been overlooked.  Handwriting is a skill that needs to be included in the new Common Standards.

Even in the age of computers and texting, you may be surprised to learn that 85% of all fine motor skill activity in second-, fourth-, and sixth-grade classrooms was spent on pencil and paper activities.  Students who struggle to get legible words onto the paper will take longer to finish assignments.  This struggle also creates a larger burden on students’ working memory, because the brain works twice as hard. The student has to manage letter and word construction while simultaneously forming a response to the question on the worksheet or quiz.  Students who have fluent, automatic handwriting can focus on the question, which gives them an advantage.

Currently, if state handwriting standards exist at all, they are limited to one: “produces legible handwriting.”  When students fail to meet this standard, teachers have no way to examine which skills are lacking, or a way to help.  Adding more detailed standards will ensure that students to receive support on the most often-used motor skill in grades two through six.  It will also help our kids develop fluid, automatic writing that can enable them to focus on the lesson instead of the blank sheet of paper.

The news reports and pictures out of Haiti are horrendous, and we feel powerless and uncomprehending in the face of such overwhelming human need.  So much suffering, so suddenly, so unanticipated can stun and stagger us.

Imagine how our children feel.

They ask questions.  At home, at school, among their friends and playmates.  They’re curious, and they may feel unsafe or at risk.  It’s up to us adults – their parents, teachers, coaches, Sunday School leaders – to help them come to some sort of reconciliation, if not understanding.  (They’ll never understand completely.  Who could?)

Calm is best.  Kids look to us for stability, comfort, security, and reassurance.  Their most pressing need is to feel safe.  Kids can feel threatened by a tragedy, even if it’s far away.  Do your best to stay calm, provide clear and simple answers, and let them know that you’re going to be there for them.

This can be difficult.  Here are some things to keep in mind as we talk to our kids about tragedy, natural disaster, accident, or violence in the community.

1. Listen.  Keep the lines of communication open, and listen carefully to their thoughts and ideas.  To discover what they already know and what misinformation they’ve picked up, probe with your own age-appropriate questions.  As any good listener will do, watch for non-verbal signals like averted eyes, fidgety hands, tears.


2. Respect.  Accept their feelings with sensitivity.  Kids need time, our patience, and our role modeling to sort through uncertainty and difficult facts.   


3. Share.  Talk about what you do to cope with difficult times.  Sharing with respected friends and mentors, writing, volunteering, praying, whatever works for you.   Children learn from us, and when we get a chance to teach them helpful behaviors, we should accept the opportunity.


4. Join others.  Going to church or other memorial services is an opportunity to teach the valuable lesson that giving and receiving comfort is one of humanity’s greatest gifts.  Supporting each other in difficult times gives comfort all around.  Feeling a part of the larger community is a great benefit of communal worship and thanksgiving.


5. Give.  Sometimes there’s not much else we can do other than to give to charities that are expert in providing care and relief.  Let your kids see that you’re contributing time, energy, or financial support to the charity of your choice.  Encourage them to give a small amount from their allowance – this will help them feel less powerless.


6. Monitor.  News reports on TV, internet, newsmagazines and newspapers both online or in print are written primarily for adults.  Participate with your younger kids, and don’t hesitate to turn it off or not turn it on in the first place if you suspect what you’ll see is too disturbing for your children.  There’s a good web site that helps parents talk to their kids about hard-to-watch news.


7. Be truthful.  You won’t have answers to all their questions, or maybe not even to some of them.  Admit that you’re unsure, confused, and sorrowful, too.  Show that you will help them try to get answers.


8. Create.  Provide some creative outlets for kids to express their feelings.  Sometimes drawing, writing, music, and journals, for instance, can help kids who don’t have the words find the right medium to express their thoughts.


9. Involve schools.  Encourage the schools to respond to highly visible tragedies, like natural disasters.  “Penny Jars” and other age-appropriate activities build a sense of community and show kids that their actions can help.  School guidance counselors are specially trained to help kids cope and to show adults how to help.


10. Be positive.  Not always easy, but children respond to clear, simple words spoken with as much optimism as you can muster.  Let them know that they can always depend on you, that you’ll always love them, and that their safety is your primary concern.  Staying positive – not necessarily cheerful – will help them keep things in perspective.